I Lost a Bet... Now My Wife Will Get Naked For Another Man

My wife and I recently made a friendly bet to help jump start our work out routine that had been lacking as of late. A half marathon was the bet. Who ever had the fastest time would win. It wasn't our first, not even our first time running one together. But it was our first high stakes race.

We had a tough time deciding on what the bet would be. More truthfully, we had a tough time deciding what my prize would be. I came up with a few ideas. But my wife quickly informed me that Jennifer Lawrence, Jessica Biel, and Alyssa Milano are too busy to get involved in a bet over a half marathon race.

I finally settled on a set of golf clubs. Taylor Made RocketBladez to be precise. I've been golfing with a bladed irons instead of cavity irons and I've been informed that blades are harder to hit. So I've been wanting to make the switch to an easier to hit club. So why not include it in our bet. It's a bit pricey for a bet between a husband and wife, but I've used the same clubs for nearly 15 years and it's about time for an upgrade.

My wife had no problem coming up with her reward...

So we started training for the Middleton Haunted Hustle Half Marathon. I started off not training as hard as I should have. My wife was strong out of the gates with T25 and some running to compliment it. I finally decided that if I wanted to have a chance of winning new clubs, I would need to start training. I told my wife that maybe I would just diet instead of training for the race. She rolled her eyes.

Little did she know that I did start to train. I travel for work so I decided to bring my workout clothes and run while I was on the road. I reported back that I had an uneventful evening while running in Louisville, Harrisburg, Columbus, Omaha, Minneapolis, and Norfolk. When I wasn't traveling I would bring my work clothes to work and run during my lunch break. We did our long runs together and she just thought that I was foolish and only running those.

I felt kind of bad for the lie by omission. She does the laundry so she could have noticed the sweaty towel I used post shower at the office. Or the running clothes that were in my bag after I returned from a trip. But she never did pick up on that. The weight I lost was explained away by my new 'training via diet' strategy. We even had our son's Godfather as the impartial judge to determine if what either of us was doing was considered cheating. I got the approval, my conscience was clear, and she was none the wiser.

Then she got an injury.

She had to take a couple weeks off due to a sharp pain she got in her leg after lifting some heavy objects at work. She said she felt it whenever she walked. It did not look good for her completion of the race. She was feeling really down after taking two weeks off, was frustrated, and vented to me. "The thing that makes me so mad is that you haven't been training at all. I would have totally kicked your ass if it wasn't for this injury." I laughed to myself. I asked her if it would make her feel better if I had been training and that she didn't have the win in the bag. She said "yes." I revealed my white lies. I told her about the running while on the road and during my lunch breaks. I pointed out all the evidence that she could have found but did not. We both had a laugh and she ended it with a "Good!"

Then she said she wanted to try out her leg on a long run. An 8 mile long run after only have ran 6 2 weeks prior.

We went out for the run and she got better. That's right... BETTER! She got through the 8 miles okay. The next day she felt better than she ever had. I was demoralized. I revealed my secret too soon and stopped training as hard. I should have started training harder. Come the day of the race she absolutely smoked me. She set a PR by nearly 20 minutes. Little did I know that when she got her I needed every workout possible to try and keep up with her on race day.

I was so very happy for her. She ran a great race. I PR'd as well. Despite starting off too fast to TRY and keep up with her (unsuccessfully after 3 minutes into the race) and nearly walking the last 3 miles. I felt awful but it was my fastest time.

So come sometime this winter, I'll watch our two boys as my wife gets all dressed up and packs a travel bag. I will kiss her goodbye and tell her that she deserves this prize fair and square. And when she returns I'll do my best to keep a smile on my face as she tells me every detail of her spa day in Lake Geneva, WI :)

She's so lucky to have married such a selfless, loving, and slow husband.

Please check out my Kickstarter to fund my book about running 12 Races in 12 Months
If funded, I'll blog about it here as well.

Racing Hearts, Tangled Limbs, and Sweat Drenched Bodies

I'm about to tell you about an amazing experience I had recently. This experience involved me and 12 young and pretty fit women I had never met before. It started with me getting undressed and ended with me feeling better than I have in a long time while taking a cold shower. I even had to stop in the middle of it to rehydrate myself, fearing I would cramp up and have to stop.

Last Wednesday I took a leap of faith and tried hot yoga for the first time. If you haven't tried hot yoga, you are missing out. It has all the tranquility of combining movement with intentional breath-work and all the shear discomfort and panic of sweating your ass off in a 95 degree room.

Now I'm not a small guy. When I sweat I pour. When I stepped into the 95 degree room for the first time, it didn't take long. I was about 5 minutes early for class. I laid out my mat and began to sweat while I waited for class to start. I looked around and noticed that I was the only guy in the room. I started to get a bit self conscious about these women undressing me with their eyes. I quickly realized that my clothes would be heavy with sweat and therefore far too heavy for their eyes to peel off of my sweat drenched body.

As I began to do the poses I felt even more self conscious. I'm not good at yoga. Some of the students were doing things I had only seen Gumby do. On top of that as I stretched to pull off some of the poses I realized my shirt was sticking to my body and revealing my white passenger (Dexter's dark passenger is an urge that drives him to kill serial killers, my white passenger is my Jim Gaffigan-esque pale skin).

I wasn't thrilled that my pail skin was on display for all to view. That's when it hit me. I was surrounded by young women wearing skin tight yoga pants and I was so focused on not falling/puking/fainting/dying to really notice. I no longer cared about me or them and focused on the yoga. That's the beauty of yoga, it takes all your concentration to not fall on your face so you don't get to focus on all the stresses from life.

Several skipped poses and water breaks later, I had survived my first hot yoga experience. Oddly enough, the combination works well. I feel so much better after a session of sweating with several strangers.

So you might be asking, like I once did, why the hell would someone choose, let alone pay to go through that? I know several people that would describe this exact scenario as their own personal hell. After looking into it I realized this could be one way to get several key benefits out of one workout.

Heat Tolerance
I am awful in the heat. My body can't cope with it and I end up slowing down and eventually shutting down. I may have finished my super hot marathon in Texas, but I sure didn't enjoy it. I'm hoping my body learns to sweat to cool myself down without depleting my body's salt levels.

Flexibility
I have never been flexible. I got hit by a Harley Davidson motorcycle while riding my bike to the gym when I was 14. My doctor put a 13 inch titanium bar in my tibia and screwed my fibula to my tibia and the bar. I was laid up for 3 months and my flexibility declined severely and I never worked very hard to gain it back.

If most people at 50% legs and 50% torso, I'd say I am about 40% legs 60% torso. I'm 5'10 but step on pants with a 29" inseam. If I can gain some flexibility the hope is that I can increase my stride length and help my speed out a bit.

Weight Loss
I've lost 30 lbs. since my heaviest weigh in that started my journey to living a healthier lifestyle. Burning calories is a key factor to the "eat less, move more" equation. Working out in hot temps burns more calories than working out in milder temps. And the lighter you are the faster you can move.

Core Strength
I hate ab workouts. They make me feel hungry. If I lost 100 lbs. I'm convinced I still wouldn't have a six pack because the muscles never get any attention. Did I mention I hate ab workouts? I do. I hate them. Like Itchy hates Scratchy, like the Coyote hates the Roadrunner, like my H.S. English teacher hated me. I don't know if core strength does diddly squat for running but people always act like it does. So why not.

Cross Training
I may be a runner but after my first yoga class it was clear how much more strength I could have in my legs. This will help me stay injury free and can allow me to run more often without risking an overuse injury.

Only time will tell. In the 4 days I have been in town since I got the unlimited monthly pass, I've gone 3 times. I can even squeeze my class in at lunch time and shower after and head back to making the world a more delicious place.

Quitter 30k

I've always wanted to organize an event that discourages you to finish. I think the running community is so supportive it would be fun to turn things on their head and have as many discouraging aspects as possible.

I imagine drill instructors with bull horns shouting things like, 'you can't do it, just give up,' and 'you are nowhere near the finish line.' or 'quit now, there's cold beer right here.' What would be the most mentally defeating thing for you? Here are some of my ideas;

Cold beer if you quit, warm NA beer if you finish.

Tons of hills, Out and Back, Out and Back, again.

Cold weather and Hoses at every water station.

All mile markers are set .10 mi. shorter.

Fake finish lines. 'Just another 2 miles to go!'

Massages if you quit at mile 15.

Loud horrible music, everywhere.

Feel free to add your own.

To Run or Not to Run

I work in Sales. When you work in Sales, every 4 years or so, your company may get all of the sales team together for a National Sales meeting. Ours will be in San Antonio this year. I have never been to Texas. I don't have any huge desire to visit Texas either (maybe Austin). Not that I hate Texas, it just doesn't jump out at me.

It's very easy to deviate your corporate flight back and visit someone or extend your stay in a city. Your company usually just charges you for any extra cost they incur. So I started my search to see what was in the area during my stay. Football? Nope. Concert? Not really. All I know about San Antonio is it's home to the Alamo.

So I try one more search and see what races are being run on Sunday, the only real day I have available. I thought it might be a long shot but what do I find? The Rock n' Roll San Antonio Marathon. But I can't run a marathon. I have only run a half Marathon and I only have about 8 weeks before the race. I decide to check a training guide anyway.

I look for the full marathon training run and how many weeks it takes to finish the rest of the training. 8 weeks. So maybe it can be done. I'd have to stick to my training. Consistency has been something I've lacked with all of the summer weddings monopolizing my weekends.

I decide to casually give it a try. I would do the training and test the water to see if I was ready to up my mileage. I don't have to commit to signing up or changing my travel for a couple weeks so why not give it a shot. When I share this idea of casually training for a Marathon my friends tell me I am foolish. My friends tell me the laid back approach won't be a successful one.

The real reason I stay casual is to avoid a let down if I fail or if my body fails me. Then some of the doubts start to creep in as people bring them up. You've only been running for 6 months. Big guys like us aren't supposed to run that long. You realize you will be running for over five and a half hours right? You don't know anyone in San Antonio to support you or even cheer you on. You will be coming off of 5 intense days of tiring corporate training days. And the list goes on and on.

My mind is made up. I will finish a marathon in November. It may not be pretty. It may not be ideal. But I will finish.

My First Half

So after an eventful and, for the most part, sleepless night, My wife and I load up the car and start out on our hour drive to Madison where the race is. After a quick stop at Walgreens for some ziplock bags to protect my Ipod, I hit the bathroom one last time and head toward the starting line.

As I am walking over I hear an announcement that there is weather headed our way and that we should take shelter as we wait for it to pass. I'm kind of annoyed. I run in the rain and don't see a problem with doing it. I say goodbye to the wife and kid and wait under a buildings overhang to wait it out. I'm hoping it will pass quickly but it doesn't.

I pass the time listening to one of my favorite running podcasts, The 3 Non-Joggers. I find myself getting odd looks as I laugh outloud to myself. We wait for updates and finally an hour and a half later they inform us the weather has passed and that we will begin the race. When they say weather, they meant thunderstorms. It continued to rain for another hour into the race.

We get in our corrall and as the race begins we start that slow move towards the start line. As we get close House of Pains "Jump Around" plays (A UW Football Favorite). I jump with the song and it is the perfect warm up to get my heart rate in the zone. I cross the finish line and begin the first half mile that is for the most part, all uphill.

I start off a bit slow, keeping my heart rate lower as I know I have a long race ahead of me. I get passed by everyone. I feel like everyone was standing still as I was slowly drifting backward in a strong current. I convince myself I am sticking to my game plan and I will finish stronger than the rest of them.

My wife and my 18 month old son bear the weather with me and plan on meeting me 5 times throughout the race. I see them next to one of my many favorite bars from when I was a student on campus. My son gives me a high five and I keep moving.

I keep up a steady pace and continue on my way. The rain finally stops about 3 or 4 miles in. The course if filled with a mix of sun and shade. I welcome the bath of warmth and sunlight early on and my Irish skin basks in the shade as the race streches on. The hills are small and provide a nice break of flat course before you hit the next incline.

I really do love this course. A mix of city and woods really balances out the race. The aid stations are expertly ran. I continue on knowing I need to hit a restroom but each time I pass one, there is a line of 3 or 4 runners. At my current pace I just don't have the time to sit and wait.

After about 4 miles of passing up restrooms I accept that a wait is inevitable. I feel like time is flying by as I stand still waiting. I finially get my turn and am back on the course in no time. I get to the next aid station and what do I see? No line! Grrr.

About mile 9 I do the math and see that I can finish under 2:30 if I push myself for the next 4 miles. I see my wife about a 1/4 mile later and I am thinking "get the gels, can't stop, have to keep moving." I see how excited she is to see me and I realize what I should have been doing was stopping to say Hi, thanking her for her support, telling her to get her ass moving because I'm going to finish strong and if she doesn't hurry she'll miss me.I go somewhere in the middle. I grab my Gels, kiss my son, and my wife, and tell them I have to get moving.

I feel really strong at this point in the race. My wife later commented that most people she saw go by looks dead and I looked like a man on a mission. That's exactly how I felt. I can honestly say that no one passed me in the last 4 miles of this race. I was booking. But no matter how hard I push myself I can not see the 2:30 pace group. This part of the race is mainly flat and they are carrying 10 foot high signs that say 2:30.

I start to think that I'm not going to make 2:30 after all. I take a break at one of the water stations realizig my goal may be out of reach. I get back to my previous "bat out of hell" pace and decide to just finish it out. Then I see something I wasn't expecting. I was at the 11 mile mark and I could see the pace group headed the other way after the turn around. I put them at about the 11.5 mile mark. I watch their speed and I realize I can definitely catch up to them.

I continue to push and damn near sprint the last 2 miles. I am flying by runners that are walking or those bastards that are done with the race and decided to travel back through the course with their finisher medals. Don't do that people. No one likes you when you do that. I continue to run and I still don't see the pace group.

My Garmin is a bit off and I don't know exactly where the finish is. I fear I don't have enough race to find these pacers and my watch says its going to be close. I finally run off the biking path we've been running on, make it around a building, and hit the road once more. I look up and see 2 guys in bright yellow jackets holding a large sign that says 2:30.

I finally catch and pass them on the inside as I round the corner for the last tenth of mile of the race. I cross the line and finish my first Half Marathon at 2:28:47. I feel great. I refuel, change clothes, grab a beer, and meet up with a few friends at the Union's Terrace over looking Lake Mendota. I already signed up for my next Half Marathon on Halloween. Any costume ideas?

Pre-Race Preparation

I laid out my clothes. I charged my trinkets. I set my alarms and I wrote out everything I was worried about. I went to sleep and felt good. Until...

A. I had a bizarre dream that I was fighting with Dan Patrick. You know, the guy from Sportcenter that would break out the Boo-yas, En Fuegos, and the Wiff. I listen to his radio show everyday and plan on listening to it during the run. So is this my mind struggling with the race? Who knows. Quite weird.

B. Then I get back to sleep for about a half an hour. A very light sleep might I add. All of a sudden my 18 month old son starts to stand up in his crib and cry at 4 am. And he does. not. stop. My wife got up and gave him a bottle and read to him as I tried to sleep. No luck. He continues to cry. We decide to let him and he wails for 20 minutes. I finally get him out of bed and he isn't upset, he isn't hungry, he doesn't want his bottle, HE IS AWAKE FOR THE DAY.

Our son has slept through the night since he was 3 months old. Put him down at 8 and he will get up at 7 on the dot. Now I am up and writing this post as he plays with trains, makes mooing sounds, and generally runs around the house playing with door knobs like he always does.

Where was Connor on that episode of Seinfeld when they needed to be woken up for the Marathon?

Day Before the Race Jitters

Did I eat too much crap? Did I drink enough water? Do I have all my gear? Are all my electronics charged up? Do I know where to park? Will my wife make me late? It's supposed to rain, what do I need to do? What if I have the runs? What if I miss my wife and she has my GU? What if I forget something? What if I over sleep? What if I can't sleep? What if I start too fast? What if I start too slow? What if I don't finish? Do my legs ache or is that just in my head?

Do I need to tell you I am a tad nervous?

My Journey

How the hell did I get hooked on this sport...

It all started with some college friends of mine wanting to reunite for the Crazy Legs Classic, a 5 mile race in Madison, WI put on the by the UW Badger Athletic program. After a few years of training a month before the race then giving up, something weird happened.

I started to enjoy running. Desperately in need of a transformation I decided to give it a try. I had the shoes, I had some running clothes, so why not? I found when I pushed myself to run farther and faster by body responded surprisingly well. The dormant athlete inside of me was just waiting to be awaken. Granted, I am no where near as fit as I once was, but I have made huge gains in very little time.

So why did I need a change? I was a 3 sport athlete in High School. Constantly at a practice or running around playing sports with my friends. Then college came. I replaced pitching with pitchers. I went from dominating 4 quarters at a time to dominating AT quarters. I went from taking 3 point shots to Jaeger shots. You get the idea.

So my 185 lbs. quickly climbed to 230 by the time I left college. Then it was off to the real world. Maybe I would leave most of that binge drinking behind and get back into shape. Well I did slow down on my drinking quite a bit. But a new obstacle was ahead of me, an endless supply of bacon.

I know what you are thinking. What the hell is this guy complaining about? He has every mans dream, 60 varieties of Bacon at his disposal whenever he feels like it. And I am talking good bacon too. Not just the regular kind; Applewood smoked, Nitrite Free, Honey Cured, Maple Pepper, Cob smoked, Pecanwood Smoked, Jalapeno, Sugar Cured, thick, thin, anything. Basically all the designer bacon you see in your high end bistros and breakfast nooks.

And it's my job to eat that on a daily basis. About 4 times a year I spend an entire day standing next to a bottomless tray of warm delicious bacon. I have to sell it to chefs and sampling is apart of the sales pitch. But it's not just Bacon. Pulled Pork, Brisket, Sausage, Pot Roast, Proscuitto, Salami, etc. Basically if there is something that can take years off your life, we probably sell it. And on top of that I spend about 15 hours a week sitting in my car driving to and from accounts.

So my 230 at college slowly climbed to 249. I dug in my heals. I refused to hit the 250 lb. mark. It was just a symbolic number that woke me up and told me I needed a drastic change. I started to log my calories to get an idea of how much I was eating in a day 3,500 calories on average.

Something had to change. That something was me!

To Run or Not to Run

That is the question. I run my first Half Marathon in 4 days. I must admit, part of me is terrified. I felt good with my training and the way it was going until a fishing trip up north prevented me from getting my long run in. The motivation to run didn't come to me in the morning after a late night of playing poker with the boys.

I chalked up missing my run to a taper week. I was ok with it as long as I get a couple solid runs in the week before (today). Then I got sick. I woke up Monday with sore throat, achey legs, and a pounding headache.

I've been getting plenty of rest and forcing fluids. I've been eating more fruits and veggies to help recover. I skipped my 3 mile run tonight but plan on getting up early to get 7 miles in. I just can't tell if it's time to run or time to rest.

I guess we'll find out come Saturday.