An Open Letter to Childless Travelers

Dear Childless Traveler,

I know my kid is crying, I know he's kicking your seat, and I know he's looking at you between the seats when you just want to relax and read a magazine or catch a few Zs on the flight. But you should know that it could be worse. Much worse.

Firs off, remebmer that it's inconvenient to you but it's way worse for us.

People pay a lot more money for front row seats at their favorite concert for a reason. The experience is so much more vidid, the lead singer can reach out and touch you, and the music seems to envelop every molecule of your soul.

The same goes for the front row seat of a mid air meltdown. Except this lead singer isn't high fiving his fans. He's kicking them in the face. The lead singer isn't hitting a perfect note that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He's screeching at the top of his lungs, saying the most disrespectful words that he just knows will push your buttons. The lead singer isn't engaging in transitional story telling or playful banter. He's laughing at your futile attempts to control his behavior and to reason with him.

So yes, it sucks for you, but remember, it sucks for us even more. Ask any parent if they would rather trade in their front row seats for some nose bleeds.

Lastly, it could be worse. Most parents put a ton of thought and preparation into preparing for flying with a young one. Will it conflict with nap time? Do we need to pack food so the kid isn't hungry? What toys can we bring that will occupy them but not disturb others? Do we have something they can drink so they can pop their ears? The list really goes on and on.

And I know that we chose to have kids and that you may not have. But the key to remember is that we don't have to do all of those things. We don't do any of those things for us. We do them for you. Think about that. Let it sink in.

What many childless travelers are not aware of (I know I wasn't when I was one), is that we can completely tune out our own child for a 3-4 hour flight, no problem. We've endured enough tantrems in our day to completely ignore the blood curdling screams, the kicking and hitting, the name calling. We can turn a cheek to all of the behavior and let them do their worse.

So the next time you get annoyed because a kid is raising and lowering the beverage tray excessively, remember there's a parent stopping that kid from pulling your hair. When the kid is peeking at you through the seat for a minute or two, remember that same kid would be content staring at you for 2 hours straight. Any facial expression you make would be mirrored back to you and only encourage the little one to continue. And when you do hear that occasional peep out of my kid, rest assured that you could listen to him scream at the top of his lungs all flight long and I wouldn't hear a thing.

Fuck me handing you a "sorry for the disturbance" gift. You ought to be buying me Starbucks considering I paid just as much for his seat as you did for yours.

Sincerely,

Every parent that has ever taken a kid on plane, ever. (Especially the ones before iPads were invented)